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90_HR0198
HDSHR0000JHr527js
1 HOUSE RESOLUTION
2 WHEREAS, On a wintry February day in 1983, a young woman
3 arrived on the scene and began a new career with the State of
4 Illinois as a clerk in the bill room of the Illinois House of
5 Representatives; and
6 WHEREAS, This young woman's potential was rapidly
7 recognized and she was "promoted" to the Journal Room of the
8 Illinois House of Representatives just six months later; and
9 WHEREAS, This young woman was given the comprehensive and
10 official State of Illinois typing test in September 1983.
11 The proctor of said test was none other than Ms. Cindy
12 McCuen, herself the recipient of the official State of
13 Illinois "World's Fastest Typist Test" during her career; and
14 WHEREAS, While various privacy laws protect this young
15 woman, reliable sources reveal the proctor's notes report
16 "nice appearance, good attitude, BAD TYPIST"; and
17 WHEREAS, This young woman parlayed this "failure" to
18 great success, because "the powers that be" recognized the
19 "nice appearance, good attitude" traits -- not commonly found
20 in state government -- and this young woman was appointed
21 Receptionist of the newly-created Illinois House Issues
22 Development Unit; and
23 WHEREAS, This young woman, while a "failure" as a typist,
24 has demonstrated the digital dexterity to complete numerous,
25 beautiful hand-sewn quilts, and master all domestically
26 available computer solitaire games while speed dialing,
27 messaging, forwarding, and conferencing an unfathomable
28 number of phone lines; and
29 WHEREAS, While many credit Illinois House Speaker Mike
30 Madigan, various chiefs of staff, several Majority Leaders,
31 and other staff with the governmental and political success
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1 achieved by House Democrats over portions of the past two
2 decades; the vacuum created by the announced career change of
3 this young woman will offer ample evidence of who should
4 REALLY get the credit; and
5 WHEREAS, Behind the Receptionist's facade, this young
6 woman operated:
7 -- an around-the-clock travel service -- which has caught
8 the attention of American Airlines;
9 -- a tailoring, mending, and alteration service unrivaled
10 for speed and reliability;
11 -- a highly respected psychological counseling service;
12 -- a vastly successful lost and found and missing
13 person's recovery bureau;
14 -- a catering and festivities planning program;
15 -- an image protection and enhancement service for
16 countless lobbyists, elected officials, and other state house
17 habituates;
18 -- other functions that allowed her to simultaneously
19 hold and voluntarily relinquish her title of "fax queen,
20 label czar, and postage control warden";
21 -- an unparalleled display of affectionate attention for
22 children of all ages; and
23 WHEREAS, This young woman will also be recognized as the
24 "most generous staff member" through numerous acts of
25 kindness such as baking and hand icing Christmas cookies for
26 our kids, buying gifts for our babies, and stashing M&Ms,
27 cookies, and pretzels for our bellies; and
28 WHEREAS, Despite these multi-faceted talents, this young
29 woman has found the time to develop and nurture a long-time
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1 personal relationship that will reach a new plateau on July
2 5, 1997, when Laurie Ascroft and Frank Minch marry; and
3 WHEREAS, This decision has led Laurie Ascroft to conclude
4 that she prefers not to continue her career from her new home
5 in Dallas, Texas; this young woman has announced without deep
6 regret that her final day as Receptionist General of the
7 Illinois House of Representatives will be May 31, 1997;
8 therefore be it
9 RESOLVED BY THIS HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES OF THE 90TH
10 GENERAL ASSEMBLY OF THE STATE OF ILLINOIS, That we commend
11 and congratulate Laurie Ascroft for her 14 years of service;
12 and be it further
13 RESOLVED, That we extend our very best wishes to Laurie
14 Ascroft on her marriage and her move to Texas and that she
15 enjoy all the health and happiness to which she is so richly
16 entitled; and be it further
17 RESOLVED, That we already recognize that no one will ever
18 be able to replace Laurie and she will be forever, officially
19 missed; and be it further
20 RESOLVED, That a suitable copy of this resolution be
21 presented to Laurie Ascroft with our respect and gratitude.